Your Man Is Your Mirror, What's He Reflecting Back?

18 January 2018

There's a saying "your outside world is a reflection of your inside world" and basically it means that the thoughts, feeling and beliefs you hold within yourself are reflected back to you by the world around you.

I totally believe this concept and that it holds true for all areas of our lives including our relationships.

As a coach that rocks at relationship stuff I have a lot of women come to me to help "fix" their man, the problem with that is:

  1. I can't fix anyone or anything it's up to the individual to do the work!
  2. most of the time it's just the woman coming so if he aint in the room, I have no chance
  3. when we point the finger of blame there is always 3 pointing back at us so by saying "it's him not me" they are simply giving up their personal power.

Don’t get me wrong, it totally takes 2 to tango all I’m say is that if you're the one in the room with me, you're the one that’s gotta do the work!

So lovely if you’re sitting in that place of blame at the moment (and we've all go there from time to time) I encourage you to take a deep breath, let go of the blame for a moment and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What is it that my partner is or isn't doing that's up setting me?
  2. Why do I think he's saying that?
  3. Where is that showing up else where in my life?
  4. What is it in me that needs it?

Why these 4 questions you ask?

Q1. Helps you clarify what is really going on. Sometimes by simply saying or writing out what you think he is or isn't doing can help bring clarity.

Q2. Allows you to look at what's really going on for both of you. It gives space to delve deeper, to ask further questions to clarify what is really going on ie am i just pissed because he wasn't as excited as I was that 30 people liked my business offer on fb OR is it that I don't feel he believes in me and what I'm doing?

Q3. Once you understand the underlying reason it's important to see where else it's showing up in your life. Is it just your partner who doesn't believe in you or do you have work colleagues and family members that don't believe in you? Are you not believing in yourself?

Q4 is the gold nugget, it asks you to look deep within and find the real reason why you need him to behave that way. Is it to confirm to you that you aren't good enough or that you're not worthy enough or that people like you don't succeed in business or you don't deserve success?

BINGO! Thanks to your man you've found the true root of the problem and once you bring it into the light of day by shining awareness on it you are half way there, you are taking back your power. From here you can start to change it through affirmations, eft, meditation, kinesiology, forgiveness work or working with a coach; really it's whatever works for you.

So next time your man or anyone else for that matter triggers something in you remember they are just a reflection of your inside world, hold off the blame and get curious!

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